Somewhere I can be me

Martin's Story

For most of my life I have felt different from everyone else but never really understood why.

As a child I was full of energy, constantly bouncing around.

My brain was constantly on the go, making up so many stories and adventures and games.

I was obsessed with music and could instantly remember the lyrics to any song I’d heard only a few times, and I could tell you any fact about any episode of Star Trek.

However, I could never really connect with the other children.

I would hang around in groups but not really feel like I belonged. I felt like a hanger-on, unsure of what to do or say to make people like me. I was often the butt of jokes, with my clothing, appearance, interests and my achievements at school being made fun of. I would often believe everything they said and only later realise they were telling me the most ridiculous stories.

As I got older, I got increasingly more worried about people’s opinions of me and would try really hard to act the way I thought they expected me to. This worry built and built so much that by the time I left University I was worried about everything all the time. It was becoming such a huge issue that I went to see my GP, who diagnosed me with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and prescribed me medication for it.

I then started my Teaching job, which I absolutely adore. But the worries didn’t get any better. I now started panicking all the time about if I was good enough at my job, if I was going to get in trouble, and I found events such as Parents Evening so stressful that I would actually be sick afterwards.

School were really helpful and put me in contact with a Therapist who suspected that, rather than being an anxiety disorder, what was really going on was that I was Neurodivergent.

I was finally diagnosed as being Autistic and ADHD in my 40s and, whilst it took a long time to come to terms with it, it now makes so much sense looking back.

And, for the first time, instead of being ashamed and confused of who I am, I can see how my Neurodivergence actually makes me so good at what I do.

With my Autistic side, I am hugely interested in my subject and am able to explain it well to my pupils. With my ADHD side, I can bring out that bouncy, enthusiastic and energetic side of myself and make my lessons engaging and fun.

I started looking for ways to meet other Neurodivergent people and quickly stumbled on My:ND Space. From my first visit there, I immediately felt at home. Everyone was so kind, friendly and understanding. I felt seen. I felt it was ok to be myself and not have to act like I usually feel I’m “supposed to” in order to be liked.

I have been going there for just over a year now and it has made such a huge impact in my self-esteem and how I feel about myself.

If you are in a similar situation to me, then I would highly recommend you come along to one of the many many activities on offer and check it out. It really is a fantastic place!