BOOM! Now What!? My story about late diagnosed Autism.

by Ross.

“I wanna tell you a story” said Max Bygraves. Who?? Say some, but for others, it should give you an idea of my age, i.e. a more mature person. Mid-fifties to be honest, edging towards sixty.

And this is when my Autism story starts, but before that, let me take you back in time.

Twenty plus years ago I became unwell, mentally unwell. Unwell enough that my GP suggested a period of time in the local Psychiatric Unit. I didn’t really see myself as being that unwell, but if the Doc says, then it must be the right thing to do? After all, a hospital is a place where you go to get better. Depression and Anxiety they said. So after a month as an inpatient I was discharged into the hands of both statutory services - The Community Mental Health Team, and my own Community Psychiatric Nurse. There was third sector day service involvement too. I was still unwell, and probably more so than when I was  ‘inside’, but I came through with stability after a period of time.

This was the start of a diagnosis of Chronic Depression and Anxiety. Through many years, and up until last year, I had every type of Talking Therapy going, including CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). I honestly think I’ve lost count of the number of Counsellors and Psychologists that I’ve worked with over the years. Some were good, and others not so. They all had different ideas on how my brain worked and how I should try to deal with it.  In times when I was more ill, medication would be involved.

Most types of Anti-depressants and Anxiety medications were prescribed with varying degrees of success. Often the dose was just increased, eventually to the max, and then discontinued as there was no effect after a while. I was even prescribed Anti-psychotic medication for Anxiety to see if that helped, but it turned me into the living dead!

Footsteps would feel as if I was wearing those diving boots from the old-fashioned diving suits. However, I did get free sunscreen as it made you burn more easily in the sun! A perk to an illness? Surely not!? But it did prevent me from looking like David Dickinson or Donald Trump! I heard a story once that Hospital Nurses used to take little amounts of the liquid form of this medication, as liquid was less easy to audit in a stock take. They would do this before going on a sunshine holiday and would tan more easily as a result!

Last year, 2025, I was yet again in the world of CBT. This time it was Tier 3. WOOOO! Apparently, Tier 3 is used when standard CBT has previously been unsuccessful. I had a Therapist who tried working with me, and although there was a wee bit of success, it was mostly ineffective. One week he said he wanted to ask me some questions and so off he went. After answering his questions, he said he believed I showed various signs of being Autistic. This was a word that has never been said to me, but I thought let’s run with it!  He said he would write to my GP about his findings and suggested I go for diagnosis.

I did the AQ-10 screening questionnaire and scored 9 out of 10. Would have been 10 out of 10 but I misread a question! So I was referred to local services for assessment. At that time, it was a waiting time of at least two years for assessment. However, I did think about going private to find out exactly what was going on. I spoke to my GP about Right to Choose and was referred to an NHS approved provider. Several detailed questionnaires were filled in, including one from my Wife, and a date was set in April 2025 for a video face to face assessment. Some of the questions were painful for me to answer, as it meant delving back to my childhood and examining parts of my life, that when I did, saddened me. I started to see a different me, not really knowing that it was the real me.

I didn’t practice any answers, or find out what I may be asked, as I said that they need to see the real me, and as the specialists, they would know what to ask. At the end of the assessment, I was told that I have Autistic Spectrum Disorder Level 1. BOOM!!!

I went through various emotions within a short period of time, both immediately after those words were spoken to me, then afterwards going to the room my Wife was waiting in. She hugged me tight, the way I like; to feel wrapped up and safe. She told me soon after that she always knew I had Autism, but it was for me to find out, not for her to say so or suggest. I agreed, although maybe if she had said so earlier, the diagnosis would have come sooner.  

So from a suggestion that I was Autistic, right up to a diagnosis, it took just over three months. I was still spinning a bit on the idea as a result. So NOW WHAT?

I was discharged from the diagnostic service back to my GP. It was suggested I look at information online. Websites from national charities were looked at, forums joined, newsletters subscribed to, and books bought to find out more about Autism. Very soon I found out that as a late diagnosed adult, there was little to none in the way of support!

I talked to friends, thinking everyone would want to know my news, but the reception was variable. In some ways I wish I had stayed quiet. But I wanted people to understand, to see the real me. One person said to me that it was a privilege to let someone know that I was Autistic. I kinda liked that, and adopted that thought going forward. I had heard about masking behaviour to fit into a world that was in effect, alien to me. I had probably been learning to mask, and be quite good at it, for many decades!

Sadly, the world is only just starting to wake up to Autism, especially in late diagnosed adults. I see it similar to how mental health was viewed many years ago, and all the stigma that went with it. Now it’s commonplace and the done thing to discuss your mental health; with a multitude of support services, both locally and nationally.

My hope is that things will change some day for those of us with Autism and other Neurodivergent conditions. But back to now.

I could see a need, in fact a thirst, to talk directly with others like me - those with Autism.  I have never been a great reader; my thirst for knowledge I believed would best be quenched by talking to people; people who were in my tribe.

Luckily, we have the internet, and not just for videos of cats doing silly stuff, though I do enjoy that. So I Googled  ‘adult , late diagnosis, autism, support groups , local' in various forms, and fortunately I got a local hit. A peer led group! At last!  

But the sessions were based around upcycling furniture in Leigh. For starters, that meant getting my Passport out and crossing the border from Wigan into Leigh! I would have had to make sure my Tetanus status was up to date too! Then the idea of me standing with an old shirt on back to front like I did in primary school, painting a piece of tat furniture that someone thought good to donate and be charitable, rather than take to the tip, was not my kind of support.

But I got in touch with Ruth at My:ND Space anyway, and said to myself, well it’s got to be better than nothing, as that was what else there was, nothing! As my old mother said, if you don’t try you don’t know.

Some new groups were mentioned alongside the creative sessions, including Lego building and games night socials. To me, this sounded like something that a retirement/nursing home would conduct, and I thought I am not there yet!

But I gave it a go. And I started to feel that I could be myself; I could be the real me that I had been trying to hide for so long to try to fit in to the Neurotypical world.

I learned that the activities that took place were actually a conduit to peer support, and I started to learn more about Autism, and what it can be like to live with. It was an awakening of sorts. To be free and know that others understand and ‘get it’.  A place I could just be, and even if only for that time in the week, be shining in all my Autistic glory!

This is only the start of finding my true self, what it is to be Autistic, and allowing my Autistic self to be my default setting, rather than hiding it to fit in.  I have times, periods of unravelling parts of my past life, and see how my Autism had a part to play. It can be very sad and upsetting, but there is also some closure with an explanation now on why things happened the way they did. I am also slowly starting to see my Autism work in my day-to-day life. Sadly, with stigma and lack of understanding, I still have to mask it on occasions, for now.

Going forward, to quote a saying I once saw on a T-shirt, “I don’t struggle with Autism, I am actually very good at it.”